China? O.K!

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Feb. 5th, 2007

A rather quiet 4 days in hell.

Back from hell.

It was a great weekend with no major problems with hotel security and certainly no serious financial stresses. Just say for example , waking up with a wallet 1100 RMB lighter and nothing to explain away the loss apart from some sore arms and shoes covered in sick; no fraternizing with objectionable and morally loose women and most certainly, respecting local culture and engaging in witty conversations with loveable scoundrels

I didn’t even lose my wife’s ipod or start throwing up shortly after getting on the plane from Beijing stopping only after passing out through dehydration.

Bit of a let down if the truth be told.

Feb. 2nd, 2007

Life in Gee Nan isn't worth a blog entry

Hello wrestling fans it’s cock cokehead Jake the shivering snake Roberts here reporting live from shitty Shan Dong. I say shitty and no doubt I am loosing many thousands of Shan Dongians (or what ever the fuck they call themselves) but really dear reader, I don’t give a Gypsies arsehole.

It’s great being back on the bottle during daylight hours. My poison for this afternoon is Finlandia and Pepsi. I think that I am going to do bad things to nice people but isn’t that what living in China is all about? If the answer to that last question is no by the way let me be the first to say fuck off you Liberal Lice head.

So far things in Gee Nan have been going as well as one can expect. The nightlife consists of chasing after police cars after throwing barrels of flaming horse manure on pensions and that’s only on a Thursday. Actually, I made that last bit up. It’s really shite here but the Wal Mart is a shoplifters paradise and the staff are a bunch of clueless twatcheeses. It’s all rather like living in the west of Ireland.

Thank Hugh Heftier for you tube and the international sex guide for Ji Nan other wise I would have been forced to imagine watching the final ten thousand episodes of SMASH MASH and you should know that my knob is so much allergic to Alan Adda or what ever the shit for brain’s name happens to be.

So back to tonight. After the ceremonial getting sick in front of the masses it’s time to load up on fake fuck tablets which is called Wei Ge or great brother here and then hit the women (literally) in one of the many sauna houses with the HIV special on the side for later on.

If I happen to die this will be a sad sack last entry then again if I happen to survive it could just be another in a boring series of clap trap shite from the brain of a washed up ha been media whore.

So, tits out for the lads and its drinks all round then.

Who’s buying?

Jan. 26th, 2007

Read this at your peril

Hi friends, I hope the good lord above has been kind to you over the past month since we last communicated through the wonders of the Internet. Ever since I let the good Lord Jesus into my life, I have become filled with his glory and spiritual force that allows me to face each day.

I am only joking. Of course I didn’t find Christ and now that I am back on the bottle, I don’t think he’s going to be hanging ‘round me anytime soon.

So, what’s been happening to you? Really? Not interested. For a long time now 9actually, more or less since I started writing this blog) I haven’t written anything actually related to my life in China or indeed my views on Chinese politics or changes in the mainstream media. The way that I figure it is: why bother? When you have web shites like danwei.org or ESWN.com bringing you all the latest stocking fillers on who’s screwing who and where you can get a link to the grainy footage, my work is essentially to write about me and what I’m interested in. But even then it doesn’t make for page scrolling (like that one, wanker) entertainment. If you wanted to read about something mildly interesting and written in a both fluid and amusing style, then you should go to yellow wing’s msn site, a link for which you can find somewhere else on this blog.

So then, what’s the point of reading China? O.K! There isn’t one. Really, it’s a pile of badly written, grammatically bastardized shite. The only thing China related, apart from the title and the fact that it’s written inside of China is very little. I hardly ever talk about some TV slut who showed her dirty knickers or where you can get the latest season of House for less than a packet of fags back home. In fact, I seem to spend a significant amount of time actually avoiding writing about any one single China related event.

There could be a reason for that. I have another blog called niulang.livejournal.com that is filled with random crap about how I make money by being very polite and speaking into a microphone or camera.

Go there if you wish and find how just how involved I am in the Chinese media. I think you might find a distinct difference between the styles of writing that I most certainly believe is deliberate as I have a policy of neither spell checking or proof reading anything that appears on this shite.

Great. Now to get the drinks in for an important summit in Ji Nan from Feb 1^st to 4^th. Seeing as how I recently came across a free Sony digital camera, I might even begin uploading new photos onto the site.

Thanks and you're welcome.

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Dec. 19th, 2006

Happ Christmas me ARSE

I won't even bother to explain why it's taken untill now to do any writing on this so that's that.

Christmas is just around the corner and it's looking like it's going to be a busy one for me spreading joy, good wishes and STd's to all. Sorry, when I say STD's I mean of course, DVD's.

Actually speaking of DVD's it's becoming more and more difficult to find some dodgy DVD knockers it's staring to give Beijing the feeling of being a feeling of being a developed city. This is very worrying; if this goes on it's going to make moving back to Ireland to get a real life and settle Conor into a proper educaiton system all the more harder to sell to Lily.

But enough of my fucking moaning. Have a happy Christmas ye daft bastards and I'm looking forward to 07 when I plan to do even less but get paid more and one of the best things is that I don't have to do any more fucking live broadcasts with JJ the Pile from Chong Qing.

That's the plan anyway along with visiting Ireland in August to sort out my furture plans for moving back in 09 hopefully with the rest of my family.

Ha.

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Nov. 24th, 2006

I inject crack-cocaine and snow showers

Update to yer head.

Well, apparently it’s a bad thing to have more than 4 extra strength cold tables in one setting and then try to host a live radio show. Apparently.

I’ve been spending the past couple of days wondering what’s been going on with my life here in the big black lung (beijing) and it’s become more and more apparent that this just isn’t really working out any more. I toyed with the idea of relocating about two years ago but never really took it seriously, now though things have changed. Then again maybe not? Lily starting a new life in a foreign land might be something that WOULD CAUSE me to second guess or simply just cancel the plan but after considering the pros and inevitably the cons too (gotta have those lovely cons) the thing of the factmatter is that the advantages simply outweigh any possible argument that you could come up with to remain here. ‘Ah now, it’s not shite it’s just that after 8+ years the realization is starting to wear a hole in the roof of my mouth that this just isn’t my home. I’m sure most other people would have figured this out ages ago but that’s the advantage of being me: everything takes forever.

So, for the past couple of days I have been making some initial enquiries, social services, housing assistance and so on, the usual fodder that ends up page 2 of the famous China Daily, with the aim of making our annual trip back in august 07 the make-or-break tour which I have decided to name: Operation: Last Hope! Rolls off the tongue eh?

Anyway, without bumming and destroying any romantic notions that moving back to the land of plenty, I just want to say that I have enjoyed the majority of my time in BL and look forward to the shitstorm of battery hens shaped troubles that await us upon our return to modern society.

Recording of songs is going great gun altogether. I just added a demo mess entitled Metal Ma but that’s nothing to do with anything so fuck it’. Listen up here:

Looking outside the windows at the filth (hard to decipher whether it’s the glass itself or if it’s just really that grimy, I sense that it won’t be long before the snow comes this way and that means busses sliding off ring roads and into un suspecting pineapple carts.

What fun.

Nov. 16th, 2006

I am so in control of me life

My life is going just exactly the way it’s supposed to. Plans are afoot to make 2007 a year to remember. Currently planning the August 07 Ard Feis in Dublin with the aim or reuniting my good self and the family with Ireland: i.e. moving back to the bog.

A job in the civil services anyone?

Why not, after all, I’ve got the love of a good woman, a lovely boy a shite job, digital 4 track and a ukulele.

Piss off world.

htttp//wudaokou.bebo.com is yet another blog made by me for me.

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Nov. 1st, 2006

Off to distroy yet another friendship

This afternoon, I’m off with the folks to Sin Dao with the express purpose of destroying lives and ruining carriers; that’s right folks, I’m going to be meeting with the good Dr. Filth.
As ever I’ll be packing my two best friends: Vladimir Vodka and Captain Cocaine to ensure that the foul taste of heroin in my mouth is at a minimal level.

Did an extra shift last night on BJ radio which left me with four mouth ulcers and a deeper respect for myself. I am the fresh voice of AM radio.

On the way out of the studio I also bumped into a rather strange woman who offered me the company of a 41 year old woman for 300 RMBan hour, told her I wasn't ready for a relationship and thanked her for the offer. Probably dosen't realize how famous I am.

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Oct. 25th, 2006

Arrival and the changing face of defeat

Parents arriving need to pretend that everything is going well (which it is) and that I am confident that the decisions I am making now about my future in the Chinese media are the right ones (which I am not so sure about). Looking forward to 14 days of near inebriation, which is, as you should know, a trait of the Irish and one, which I am proud to uphold in these sunless times.

Besides all of this, my search of intelligent life in the Chinese media continues. I.e. I’m still looking for a better job and one that doesn’t place too much influence on the 3 A’s: appearance, ability and attendance.

So it looks like for the time being at least, a life in Public Radio is my future.

Oct. 14th, 2006

I enjoy rising early on Saturday mornings to do this

A jolly time was had by all at the English fair in the Working People's Park just west of Tian Anmen.

Fun, fun and just more fun. I thoroughly enjoyed the morning despite what you might have heard or seen.

My lawyer interpreted my 'colorful language' after being asked to do an extra hour presenting without any prior notice as "a unique way to say that I love China and will continue to contribute to it’s development into a powerful nation through my role as an international media figure with ties to the Bank of Ireland and the Irish visa office in Beijing".

Thank you and once again, I swear that her mother said it was o.k. to sign her daughter's shirt on the breast pocket.

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Oct. 11th, 2006

This is even better

Forget that, Shatner has to be a mangod thing. It's the only way that he could achieve this level of 'amazment'.

I wish CCTV could do this.

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